Today was difficult



I'm really scared about what is going on with my health lately. And if you're an adult in America like me, you know that the healthcare system is a nasty monster to navigate.



My mind has been elsewhere. The stress of both work and home life has been eating me alive.



I learned something that I knew already was a truth in a way.

My boyfriend's dad doesn't like me.



It doesn't make it hurt any less that I already knew that.



I've been to therapy for most of my life and so I know people like my boyfriend's dad.



Because he's exactly like my dad.

And my step-dad.



He's the type of person that will start a verbal competition with you about the weather. The type to lecture you about how he's an electrician on vehicles but will turn the power off on you for days without telling you because two of the outlets are burning in the house. The type to tell you that you shouldn't use dryer sheets because they're bad for your health but then to pour processed detergent and different types of softeners and beads into the washer machine. The type to tell you the same things about himself over and over and not bother to remember things about you, like how you're not Mexican, or what you do for work. The type of person who enjoys bragging about himself and would rather take care of strangers he calls friends instead of his family.



And I avoid him like the plague.



Because I have learned through therapy how to set a boundary, I just automatically did it to him.

People do not like when you set boundaries with them.



I don't talk with him about anything, and I just agree with him or listen to him when he talks at me. I say hello to him when I notice that he's there, but other than that I try to stay out of the way.



Because he started blaming me for things other people are doing in the house.



You cannot argue with people like this, it is mentally and emotionally exhausting.



But they also try to find a way to instigate something with you even if you live amongst them as if you were dead. Even if you avoid cooking because they complain about you doing it once a week to meal prep and clean up after yourself. Even if you only shower every three days when you desperately need to because you have to use his mold filled bathroom, and he dislikes that you ventilate it. Even if you wait until every one else does their laundry to quickly do yours so you're not in anyone's way. Even if you come home after work and do not leave your room the entire night because you don't want to bother him.



It doesn't matter.

People don't like people in their space, and they will find a way.



I'm not sure if you've read the other blogs but I'm already going through enough as it is at work. It has gotten to the point that I became very depressed, and the last thing I could handle was a text message from my boyfriend's father telling me to "shut the f&%^ing window after showers" when I hadn't been home at all that day and hadn't showered in 4 days.



When he found out that my boyfriend did it and not me he didn't even apologize, he just complained about it.



I was just getting to the point that I felt hopeless...



I've lived a lot of life this far. I've been on my own for a significant amount of my adulthood, and it's frustrating to be treated like a child.



I try my best to still be respectful. I still clean my own dishes, sometimes I fold other people's laundry, and I make sure to stay out of the way or clean up after myself when I use the facilities.



I understand that this is a privileged position to be in.



I could be in my mother's home that is a hoarder home and filled with trash and feces because no one cleans, or I could be here where an old man leaves his diarrhea shorts and towel on the kitchen counter.



You have to pick your hard in life.



Things are decently clean here. My boyfriend fights most of my battles for me which I appreciate because I feel like that's a difficult place to be in in a relationship especially with your family.



And even though his father hates me, I finally - for the first time in my adulthood- am building finances.



I saw my doctor today about health issues I'm having. I'm taking some time off of work to take care of myself and take the tests I need to to figure out what's going on with my body.



This is all for something.



I have to remind myself what I'm working towards:



No matter where I came from or what I'm doing

I deserve to live a peaceful, quality life

I deserve to feel safe and secure and loved

I am allowed to leave my circumstances

I am allowed to be myself and grow

I WILL be better than the circumstances I came from

I WILL forge the life that I desire

It is okay for me to set boundaries with others for MYSELF to make myself feel safe and comfortable

No matter what ANYONE "gives" me I do not OWE anyone anything



I will not let others wrongful treatment of me define me.



Make every day brilliant -MB



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